GC Therapist and Life Coach, Glenn Oakes shares his five rules for ensuring your honeymoon stays sweet...
Whether it's your first time alone together, or you and your beloved have been living together for years, marriage is a big, stressful step. And weddings? With the massive outlay of money, the pre-ceremony dieting, the people wrangling, the arguing, the seating arrangements, the slights real, imagined and unavoidable, the over-indulging, the post-ceremony second thoughts, the wild friends, the crazy relatives, it's a true testament to the power of love (or maybe denial) that most couples don't exit their reception, climb into that crepe-paper-and-tin-can festooned automobile and drive off the nearest cliff.
My point is that while weddings are incredibly stressful, honeymoons shouldn't be. And whether it's a three-month grand tour of Europe, or a week in a pop-up camper at the nearest KOA, your honeymoon should be your time to relax with your mate, congratulate yourselves on getting through the wedding, and luxuriate in what may be the only block of time in your entire life where the rest of the human race is under strict instructions not to bother you and your partner unless doing so is an unavoidable component of an effort to make your day even more enjoyable. Even under the best of circumstances, however, things can go pear-shaped on a honeymoon. Here's five tips to keep PWS (Post-Wedding Stress) from bleeding into what should be a romantic getaway...
1. Keep it light: This is not the time to start ruminating over Big Questions like when and whether to "start a family," or who's going to take care of Mom if she gets too frail to take care of herself, or how to plan properly for the effects of Global Warming. This is the time to think about things like what to order for dinner, whether you need more sunscreen, or is the bathtub really big enough for two people? Focus on the little things and let the Big Questions resolve themselves without you.
2. Resist the temptation to let your hair down. Far too many people decide that once they've tied the knot they can finally relax and let that carefully-groomed, well-mannered facade fade into oblivion. Unless you're hoping for a short, and not-particularly-sweet marriage, both of you are strongly advised to continue to put your best foot forward. Nobody wants to marry a butterfly only to wake up next to a garden slug the next morning. There's a difference between intimacy and sloth.
3. Make time for "couples stuff." A long walk is a great way for both of you to experience the sheer joy of being with this person you've committed to. Other options: take turns reading to each other from a favorite book, give each other massages, wash each other's hair, surprise each other with inexpensive, thoughtful gifts or keepsakes - and when the honeymoon's over, keep doing exactly this. There is nothing like a small, thoughtful, intimate gesture to make someone feel prized.
4. Spice it up. Try something new in the Honeymoon Suite. If your honeymoon is a traditional one, don't feel like you have to rush and don't feel like everything has to "happen" the first night. When it comes to intimacy, the process of getting to know each other "in that way" is half the fun. If it's not your first time at the rodeo, think of something different you've always fantasized about and see if your partner is game. You may take your love life in a new direction, or, you may discover that some fantasies as best left just that. Either way, you both share a new experience that will either have you breathing heavy every time you think of it, or trying not to laugh out loud.
5. Listen. Instead of trying to make yourself heard and understood, take this time to see how well you can hear and understand your partner. You may emerge from your honeymoon with a whole bunch of useful information which will prove invaluable as you navigate your way through what may be one of our culture's most satisfying and challenging institutions.
Bon Voyage! Dr. Glenn